Saturday, June 6, 2009

The homoerotica of the "Toasty Torpedo." Thanks, Quiznos.

Since I've recently graduated from college, I've been searching for a job within the advertising industry as a means to my independent film end. Because of this, I've been paying much more attention to the content and general form of those 30-second spots between your favorite shows. Just this afternoon I was watching Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe and I saw a Quiznos spot for their new $4 Torpedo Sandwiches...

With all respect to the GLBT community, it was the gayest thing I've seen from a food commercial. Watch this spot:

While I enjoy the HAL reference, I don't enjoy the idea of HAL-human love:

Oven: Scott, I want you to do something for me
Scott: Not doing that again. It burned.
Oven: (Pointedly) We BOTH enjoyed that.

Honestly, the mechanics of that are simply inconceivable. Coupled with the phallic shape and suggestive name of the the Oven's "greatest invention," the commercial is fodder for filthy minds such as mine. Oh, It gets better:

Oven: Yes, Scott. You make one.
Scott: Me?
Oven:Put it in me, Scott. (cue porno music) Over a foot of Quiznos flavor on a slim, sleek ciabatta...

Oh, my. I love the shocked expression Scott gives the Oven. If this commercial were to continue after its alloted 30 seconds, I can just see a touching little vignette in which the Oven gets served papers for a sexual harassment suit. What? You think this is the Oven's first time? That's the language of a professional pervert. Who else could make sandwiches so dirty? Only Quiznos, apparently. And Hardee's, but everyone knew that.

Just remember kids, sex sells sandwiches.


Anonymous said...

Kate & Jimmy- I've just discovered you thru Kate's article on Fanfic on You're both hi-larious writers & I look forward to reading more.
I am your devoted slave.
But I don't do windows, or, anal.

Sean said...

Not only that, but at 0:23 he's about to bite into a phallic symbol with the word "pedo" written on it. Do these people not watch their own ads?

Erin Lee said...

omg.....this is incredible

Anonymous said...

I hesitate to say this, however, I am now a worn out, burnt out, OLD ex-film student, ex-film maker.

I have a truly weird sense of humor and now I've found the two of you.

Thank you for making me laugh.


Lily said...

In a time when the Old Spice commercials are watched and re-watched on Youtube (as it should be, might I add, because they are amazing) I think being surprised about the content of this ad is a bit disingenuous. Yes, of course they watch their own work. And they make it risque, amusing, and full of innuendo.

Love this particular ad. Having the monotony of commercials broken up with that moment of "Wait, did he just say that? I love that!" is fantastic.